picture a cup in the middle of a sea...

do you ever feel like there is some kind of big joke that everyone is in on but you? that's kind of how i've been feeling all week. it sucks.

this will be a somewhat random post.

so, sub pop records is (i've heard) planning a 20 year anniversary reunion show this summer. according to seattle sound magazine, it's going to be july 12 and 13 at marymoor park in redmond (seems to me that that's kind of a small place to have a show like this..) and the exciting part, for me, is that one of the the rumored acts is a reunion of green river. from their myspace page: In 1985, they became the first grunge band to release a record, kick-starting the Seattle music scene and later helping to establish the Sub Pop label. However, Green River are even more famous for the bands that sprang from their breakup: Mudhoney and Mother Love Bone, the latter of which also contained the roots of Pearl Jam. That lineage somewhat overshadows Green River’s actual music, which helped lay out the blueprint for grunge but didn’t necessarily rank among its most transcendent expressions. the festival is apparently going to fill an entire weekend, so i wonder who else they will have play. the possibilities are very interesting.

*the rest of the festival lineup: Beachwood Sparks / Comets on Fire / Fleet Foxes / Flight of the Conchords / The Fluid / Foals / Grand Archives / Green River / The Helio Sequence / Iron & Wine / Kinski / Low / Mudhoney / No Age / Pissed Jeans / Red Red Meat / The Ruby Suns / Seaweed / Wolf Parade

the other night, i saw an interview with a man named randy pausch. he was a professor at a university in pittsburgh who was diagnosed a few months ago with pancreatic cancer (one of the most deadliest cancers). last fall, he gave a lecture at his school in a series called "the last lecture" - you can find videos of it on youtube. he was on oprah a few months ago, and gave an abridged version of the speech. one of the things i remember from it is that he talks about not letting go of your childhood dreams no matter how silly and out of reach they may seem. he says that brick doors are put there for people who don't want things badly enough. after hearing that, i can't stop thinking about my own life and wondering what it is that makes it so easy to forget those dreams and instead fall into a life of routine and of not always following your true passions. maybe that's what being an adult is about, although i sincerely hope not. i used to lay awake at night dreaming about living in a big city, being a famous writer and traveling around the world. i wanted to be a librarian or a museum curator. instead, i am a preschool teacher who is only marginally satisfied with her life on a good day. although i like my job, there has to be something more.. life can't only be about going through the motions can it?

... i have no idea what i'm trying to say. but does it make sense to anyone? maybe i'm having a quarter-life crisis or something. but if so, it's been going on for about three years now. in garden state, zach braff is able to resolve his in less than 2 hours.

in 4 minutes, ed vedder is able to say what i mean:


i feel like i should write something about kurt cobain, since this week marked the 14th anniversary since he died (i can't believe that). i was in 8th grade in april of 94, and i had just started falling in love with pearl jam and, to a lesser extent, nirvana the year before. i remember the exact moment i heard that he died - i was home from school watching a game show on mtv when they cut in with the news. so beginning a weekend of being glued to the television non-stop. i remember watching fan memorials at the seattle center.

mtv's nirvana unplugged is by far my favorite performance of theirs. even more than their albums, i love to listen to this, because there's something about it that is so raw and emotional. i really wonder what my cd collection would look like now if nirvana as a band or kurt in some other form had continued making music.

i'm not like them but i can pretend..